A system deemed needless due to its inherent redundancy and the complicated difficulties it must naturally include. When you don a vest of Styrofoam and jump in the ocean, you don’t throw on a second one in the unlikely event the first one fails. It can’t fail, it’s a tested, proven system. Besides, could you imagine wearing a second life vest? You couldn’t swim very well and you surely wouldn’t have any fun.
The unnecessity of a backup system is evidenced by the failsafe nature of all things futuristic, so the likelihood of finding a “backup system” in the world in which Tek Jansen lives and seduces is nearly zero, and only employed by the dumbest of galactic races.
In aquatic mammals, this is perhaps the most sustaining of all the everyday life apertures, since it is the one through which they breath. Amongst the inarguably more advanced landed mammals, it is less well defined, but still a far, far more magnificent aperture. When one is told to “put that in their pipe and smoke it”, it may well be best accomplished by way of their blowhole.
An amount of time immeasurably brief, on par with the promise of a drunk lover or megalomaniacal politician. Like “right now”, but much more quickly so. Similar to “now”, but just before it, though not in the past, technically.
Similar to pants, pantaloons and slacks, but decidedly tighter, often with stark lines drawing the eye from the pleat straight on up to the ever-waiting and eager genitals.
This device appears everywhere that a person may wish to interface with a computer, and can be broken down into its component words. “Co” is for company, corporation or cohabitation. “Pu” or “poo” is when you put something out there that you no longer need and the recipient doesn’t actually want. “Toin”, which is short for “toying”, means a method of playing. And “Terfacer” of course refers to the most popular form of pornography in the sector, which refers to the joy of using such a computointerfacer. Not surprisingly the word is pronounced “comp-you-TOY’N-ter-facer”.
(n) Adorable naïf doomed to grow into a cynic. Liberalism began as an Enlightenment Era fallacy, according to which Reason can and ought to govern society because Reason discovers the facts of nature (see Scientism). Unfortunately, one of those natural facts is that so-called liberated people are also animals that rationalize their unspeakable instincts and wishes, which is why the history of modernity has been marred by such evil and lunacy as genocide and the destruction of the ecosystem. Thus, in the latter phase of their life cycle, liberals become postmodern ironists who resort to gallows humour, hollow slogans like “the audacity of hope,” or lame cries for “fairness,” to distract from the fact that they’ve lost faith in liberty.
(n) A naturist, often confused with a worshipper of family, money, or God. That which the conservative wants to conserve is the law of the jungle, since wild forms of life are by far the oldest and thus the most prestigious to those with a fetish for traditions. In the primordial social order, the strong rule over the weak and morality gives way to the need to preserve the dominance hierarchy. So in their spare time, conservatives are most often seen tiptoeing through the jungle and spying on other species with their binoculars, to glean fresh insights into how to sabotage modern civilization and return us to a state of savagery.
(n) Often a harmlessly fun expression of romantic love and of the divine force of creativity within most animals; also, a shameful embarrassment which most people keep secret at all costs. Sex is thus the ur-form of hypocrisy for mammals that are too clever for their good. Animals have sex without shame, because they don’t care how silly they can look. Civilized people are alienated from the world, by their rational comprehension of what’s going on, and so during sex they feel awkwardly animalistic, since they would have thought that elites such as them had grown out of the need for such primitive displays and interactions. Ironically, the human child that’s innocent of sexual urges grows into the mature adult whose sexuality makes for a closer comparison with the sort of wild beast which the adult routinely dines on or keeps as a pet.
“The Death” is an ailment, usually fatal, caused by factors that may include advanced age, accident, disease, or political protest. Although there is no known cure for “The Death”, there are many ways to stave the situation indefinitely through a variety of illegal methods including blasphemous resurrection, vampirism and by paying off the assassin sent to inter you.
(n) Paradoxical modern religion consisting of the worship of science and of the fruits of Reason, to the exclusion of everything else. Whereas religious people traditionally proclaim their membership in their sect, Scientismists are modernists and so they esteem newness; thus, they impishly deny that any such Scientistic religion exists, in the hope that their contrarianism might have some aesthetic merit. In this respect, Scientism is like Freemasonry, Illuminism, or the ideology of any other secret society. The password to gain entry to the inner circle of Scientism is usually just a sequence of zeroes and ones, spewed in the pretense that the devotee is a machine rather than an alienated animal that’s preoccupied with finding a sacred basis for a way of life. The Scientismist’s sacred object is the self-destruct button, since Scientism is a philosophy/religion which aims to destroy philosophy and religion in general. Numerous psychiatrists have proposed adding “Scientism” to the next edition of the DSM, as the name of an acute form of the existential disease known as the Utter Lack of Self-Awareness.
Creatures or companies embodied by their inherent lack of souls. Throughout New Terran history such entities were called “zombiforic”, but due to the aptness of the moniker, it had to be replaced by something less representative and more economic (primarily at the request of the appropriately named corporations, who much like the true-to-life zombies of the great zombie outbreak of 2009, had no souls to speak of whatsoever, and would do absolutely anything to destroy humanity, even if it meant chowing down on the uncooked brains of the most creative and insightful celebrities of the era.)
Since the letter “r” is more economical than the letter “m”, which requires several additional pen strokes, it was an easy choice and the Supreme Court approved the replacement of that letter in a hotly contested 5-4 vote.
This is a word meaning exceptionally difficult but dependent entirely upon the efforts of subordinates. For example, the creation of all life and the governance of all the laws of physics is “effortless”.
An “ethni” or “damned ethni” is a term used to describe a person of an ethnicity. For example, if you are foreign, tourist, immigrant or otherwise dissimilar to myself due to your ethnicity, you are an ethni. Much as you might use a derogatory term for someone from Phobodiemos such as “phobodemon”, you can quickly, easily and accurately call someone of any ethnicity an “ethni”, even if they are members of your own ethnicity. After all, whether your own ethnicity or not, they are a person of some ethnicity, and is therefore by very definition, an ethni.
The least life-sustaining of any type of arguably breathable air, specifically because it is not as breathable as it is immediately deadly. Though many self-proclaimed physicists, scientists, logical thinkers, home-scientists, religious scientists and jackwads assert that there is no air in space, those who instead speak from the gut with the sort of faith these reasonable thinkers could not understand see the other side of the argument. The argument goes something like “if there’s nothing there it has to be air. If there is no air, not even space air, then there wouldn’t be anything there at all, and that doesn’t make any sense at all.”
An elaborate, well-lit countertop designed to aid its user with superficial preparations needed to make one look as artificially beautiful as possible. It can also be used to describe the personality of one who uses it.
The collection of textile fabrications of fabric afforded to the soldiers of war, hence the name “war drobe”. The suffix “drobe”, of course, comes from the Neptunian word “derrrohhabenabben”, a word meaning blazer or jacket. Although it doesn’t literally mean a blazer worn by combatants in times of battle, it kind of does mean exactly just that and nothing else.
A social disease of sorts, not unlike crabs or scabies, though much like those two varieties, it is often contracted from attractive young ladies in dance clubs who are both intoxicated and dressed to the nines. Glitter is noted by a sparkling condition of the skin and clothing and can only be cured with specialized soaps, lotions and brushes. The contraction of “glitter” has caused millions of divorces and ruined many thousands of political careers, though of all the social diseases on the market, it remains the most desirable since it causes neither itching nor death, and only limited contagion.
A distance of 5,268 spacefoots.
A word you will not find in this book for a number of reasons, most prominently of which is due to BLACKOUT and BLACKOUT. One of the most important factors regarding BLACKOUT is BLACKOUT BLACKOUT, despite BLACKOUT BLACKOUT, Lee Harvey Oswald BLACKOUT. For further reading on this matter consider BLACKOUT.
A period of time nearly impossible to measure in space, but roughly equivalent to 60 New Terra seconds, plus or minus a billionth of a light-second. Mostly a measure of the pomposity of the utterer, except in such cases as the utterer is more cool than pompous.
A measurement of success suggesting one only somewhat loses his or her own ass. To be triumphant is to lose less than one wins, or to take a simple majority in the realm of not being a loser.
A degree of not-highness suggesting an overall status of pretty bad, but you know, it could still be worse.
The practices of any primate that is deemed uncool, uncouth or unsexy. These activities range from picking ticks from the scalp to fecal lobbing, depending upon what the viewer finds sexy at any given moment or level of intoxication.
The buttockal crack, typically sweaty and unsavory, specifically as it pertains to one of the male persuasion, even if not explicitly male but merely mannish, assuming it still embodies the fragrant bouquet and hairy nastiness needed, and also assuming it puts the “ass” in “assuming”.
A state of personal, genetic being that is defined by a complicated series of characteristics in neo-humans. To qualify as a personabeing of “flawless genetic composition” once must lack Lupus and diabetes, be over the height of 5’10″, have modestly clear skin, fantastically prominent reproductive organs (such as blouse-bursting breasts or a trouser-defying man-wang), and have two of everything except for nose, liver and appendix. Everything else is up for debate, but with a body like that, there’s typically no time or interest in debating much of anything.
Only Catholic. Must be ambiguous. Can’t be sworn on, but must be sworn on. Answers prayers. Technically “hypothetical”, but only with quotation fingers. Very few galactic races believe, much like Greek Mythology.
That which is so accurate and factual that it is actually written directly onto the deed of the thing pertaining to which it is said to belong to. The old, high English of the phrase was originally “in deed” or “in-deed”, but since the future already requires so many hyphens to describe the many glorious and baffling things that verily define it, the hyphens from “in-deed” had to be purged and recycled, donated in good will towards more needy words like man-wang, rectoscrape-a-scan and life-space-haggard, just to name a few.
For example, someone might say to you, “my goodness, those are foppish lumi-silk chinos!” To which you might say “indeed”. By this you are not only agreeing in theory, but asserting that in practice the deed to your man-slacks actually states just as much; that they are in fact foppish. Further, someone might say, “wow dudefer, your concubine is smokin’ hot.” And if the deed to your indentured prostitute can verify this fact, you might verily say with confidence, “indeed”. Though if you are a dudefer, it’s unlikely that the deed to your concubine could thusly be inscribed unless you are exceptionally wealthy.
Ninety-Nine Point Quadruple-Nine – A degree of certainty, whether for or against a thing, that suggests barely better-than-lottery odds of whatever it is that’s being measured. Strangely, many billions play the lottery, but none accept the NNPQN odds barring the lack of any other option. For example, if your this sure of something, you still entertain doubt. If you are this sure something is not the case, you may still entertain some slight hope, though it is one that will never be statistically realized.
Numerically, the phrase can be expressed as 99.9999, but is rarely done by intellectuals, but rather in hip marketing campaigns and by teenagers; a class still dedicated to finding any way to shorten (or “shrtn”) a given text message.
A potent mixture of equal parts Morphine and Über-Adrenaline designed to dull any pain and rouse any patient regardless of circumstance, injury, loss of blood, loss of limbs or if it is otherwise a terrible, inhumane idea. Although some so-called “doctors” suggest the concoction may be habit forming, those who have sold their souls due to addiction to it disagree so strongly that they’ll fight you to the death on the point, bashing until their knuckles are bloody, boney pulp and their crazy eyes dilated down to a pinpoint. Proponents and marketing managers choose instead to point out that it delivers precisely what it promises (plus tremendous returns to executives and shareholders) and that it is free of sugars and saturated fats.
A real word that really exists in the English language used to describe something that is so disgusting that anyone who so much as hears about it is nearly assured to gag immediately. This may include hot vomit aged as much as a week, multiple-disease hosting body parts (assuming they’ve been afforded reasonable opportunity to fester) and certain varieties of prison sex, assuming they are explained or remembered with sufficiently gruesome detail. It may also suggest a thing that is not very savory.
Imagine if you will a gorgeous, bookish, late-blooming young lady who has a deep, inherent, natural beauty that could easily be unleashed if only she had the presence of mind to take off her glasses and let her hair fall free from the snug confines of her tight, uptight pony tail. This is not such a creature, but the other kind. Off-pretty hotness comes from the un-pretty class who work night and day to learn to be alluring, and succeed in such endeavors.
An off-pretty hot person is one who has a natural ugliness that is overcome through extensive works of tanning, bleaching, shaving, makeup, outfit and an exceedingly clever and hard-earned disposition of other-than-pretty pseudo-slutty sexiness. By mastering these key components an ugly person may seem exceedingly charming to inductees to their charismatic and otherwise enchanting ways. While the upgrade from ugly to off-pretty hotness will surely help the ugly person get laid, it sadly does very little towards helping them find a permanent, life-long mate.