Definitions of ‘D’ Words

Darwinians are the most organized coalition of heretics within 10 million gigaclicks of New Terra. These are a laughable group of pseudo-religious-scientists who lack the faith needed to understand the basic, simple truth that mankind is not an advanced species of walking bird or fish that somehow found a reason to stay out of the water or sky, however temporarily in historical terms.

The Darwinians were once heralded for their clever, sweeping bumper sticker campaign, but have since mostly been imprisoned and publicly executed in accordance with God’s wishes as explained to illiterates by the most pious of New Terra’s biblical scholars. Darwinians are loosely affiliated with the theory of evilution.

n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

(acr) Acronym for “Drug Enforcement Assholes.” Branch of government established to curtail nonpayment of income taxes, reduce frequency of coke-and-hooker parties and pretty much hang out in Columbia (on taxpayers money, of course.)

(n) A vacation of less than 12-hours 2. Hit of LSD that wears off prematurely, but without regret. SEE ALSO: DRUGS

(v) Endeavor by which men hit on a variety of disinterested women who mostly rebuke them upon first impression while the minority first take a costly dinner with drinks and dessert before summarily dismissing the loser. The rejections are due in large part to the understanding that men are oriented on a short term goal of sex, subsequent dates, and subsequent dates with sex despite the fact that his long term goal is serious dating, engagement and, ideally marriage by which he will gladly trade his balls and his spine for a singular piece of ass that periodically will refrain from rejecting him.

1. (n) The time in which one trips over bears, Legos, cars and other foot-demolishing toys.

SEE ALSO: TIME, CAR

1. (n) A word used to call out to one’s daddy when in front of school friends, typically used to avoid embarrassment.

SEE ALSO: SCHOOL

(acr) Acronym for “Defer” and “Dating”.

(v) A state of awareness I do not live in. No seriously, I don’t. In fact, I’m not even sure it really exists.

(n) The last incarnation of factual news, surviving only due to its umbrella of satire and claim of infactuality.

v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor’s wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

(n) Professional Sadomasochistic dungeon master with a better billing system, nicer car and more attractive wife. 2. Excuse to take off from work regularly to go to job interviews.

1. (n) Nectar of the dogs.

(n) A flower often given to a lady friend of a less committal intensity. While roses verily say, “I love you,” daisies only say, “You don’t suck and I’d have sex with you if it isn’t too much work.”

(n) One who is doubly obnoxious for speaking without end, and not having the decency to say anything during the whole of that time. 2. One who had aspired to politics, but had only the good fortune of never being able to get into it, professionally.

(n) The revocation of ones license to practive law, something he obviously wasn’t too keen on in the first place. Only exercised against those lacking of low friends in high places.