Definitions of ‘E’ Words

n. An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians—may their souls be happy in Heaven!

(n) The affliction of women that deprives them of all reason and accountability.

(v) The process of chemically preserving that which has already expired.

(n) A stream of consciousness tirade published so all the world may read it, though almost no one will SYN: OP/ED, OPINION SEE ALSO: EDITOR

Easter Bunny, 1. (n) A large, crazed, maniacal rabbit who perennially litters the land with eggs, candy, cash, and terrible toys aplenty. Also known as a purveyor of ‘grass’ that, while hallucinogenic, is not a legitimate drug.

SEE ALSO: RABBIT

adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

(n) A non-hallucinogenic drug that makes music, touch and ugly people particularly stimulating, but typically precludes any erection in males, which might otherwise be used to consummate this unprecedented intergender understanding.

(n) A failed author who also lacks teaching credentials and is hell bent on vindicating their costly undergraduate degree 2. A profession winding down, made obsolete by the advent of blogging, a widespread electronic and slightly more inane incarnation SEE ALSO: EDITORIAL

n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

(n) An often useless realization one has upon emerging from the metaphorical darkness, specifically of a literal wine cellar.

(adj) A rich person with no class, taste, fashion sense or warrants for arrest.

(pn) State in the American southwest. The capital is Carson City, but the largest city is Las Vegas, known for its gambling and willful amnesia. Also spelled NV.

(n) Man chowder 2. (v) The instant when a hotty turns ugly, a lover turns to a bedmate and a man turns to sleep. SEE ALSO: SEMEN, SPERM

(n) Word used to describe the foot falls of tenants upstairs.

(adj) Word formerly used to mean “on the fringe or edge” until it was commandeered by marketing executives to label and sell useless advertisement inundated and otherwise unmarketable events, attractions, pseudo sports and television programs.

(n) Vaguely musical noise played at high volume to cover the sound of ravers “frying balls”, “tweaking out”, and hitting on underage girls. This noise may also be categorized into one of hundreds of sub-styles but, why bother?

(n) Horrible, detestable former partner who is typically despised but could still be slept with a couple more times under proper circumstances.