Definitions of ‘G’ Words

A natural form of solar radiation easily reproduced in lab environments. Despite tens of thousands of unsuccessful attempts thus far, it is still widely believed to be the very thing that can create a race of super humans with a wide variety of superhuman superpowers. It’s already been proven that irradiation with gamma rays can jostle DNA to create a random mutation, but the only successes in practice have been creatures created with holes in their hearts, skulls that don’t close to encase the brain, and sub-humans riddled with flesh-to-cancer weight ratios outside of tolerance levels.

Similar to a brush one would use to spruce up the mane of any given mammal, but designed for a coarser texture, specifically as it pertains to cloth, show animals, or Italians. The grooming grate is a flat, serrated instrument with open pores designed originally for the grating of cheese and slaw, but used exclusively for combing and exfoliation since the responsibility of shredding foods was completely overtaken many centuries ago by the George Foreman Umslicerator, which not only cuts, but reduces saturated fats, is oh-so easy to clean, and available in a variety of attractive colors. For a limited time only, orders placed will automatically include a gross of spatulae, solar-powered calculator, and an original oil portrait of George Foreman. Ideal for home or office use, makes a great gift, no place of residence is complete without it.

(n) The other four letter word for “snatch”.

(n) A box one checkmarks on a form to indicate whether they possess a vagina, or just pursue one; also, it’s the box marked right before one is asked if they’re white, or of some lesser persuasion.

(n) A produce vendor overwhelmed with supermarket envy.

adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

1. (n) A tacky candy that is against the rules to swallow. 2. (n) A sticky substance used to identify large patches of hair that need to be permanently cut out. 3. (n) The hard, uneven bumps on the underside of a desk, chair, or table.

SEE ALSO: CANDY

(adj) The nicest people you’ll ever meet in their own homeland, a normal traveler you’ll meet in America, and the biggest jerks you’ll ever meet in Asia or Africa, two continents they seem to think they own.

n. An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country.

n. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings, commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building. This was especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures generally, in which the gargoyles presented a perfect rogues’ gallery of local heretics and controversialists. Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the new incumbents.

(n) The sophisticated version of the dry hump as practiced by upscale city folk in upscale city bars and clubs, often with chagrin and unintended gratification from less sophisticated county and/or bumpkin folk.

1. (v) The having of cake and eating of it too.

(n) A hysterical slang term for breasts invented, propagated, and officially sponsored by the American pornography industry. SEE ALSO: BREAST

(n) Place men agree to take first dates in hopes they may consummate their introduction. 2. Collection of photos these same men go home and view on adult websites.

(n) Enemy of the fireman, aspiration of the pedestrian, tax of the motorist.

(v) The showy alternative to spitting or swallowing exhibited only by the most jaded of cock gobblers.