Definitions of ‘I’ Words

n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

An irradiated spider is an arachnoid creature of any size, though typically ranging from pin-sized to hubcap-sized, possessing eight-legs, capable of spinning threads of silk from the hindquarters, specifically the hindquarters of a specimen that has been irradiated. Bites from such a creature can cause intense pain, itchy skin rash, melanoma, and in exceedingly rare and as-yet undocumented cases, superhuman powers.

(v) The orgasmic act of a drunkard or clinical act of a fertility doctor, either way it’s worth $300 to somebody. SEE ALSO: PREGNANCY

(v) The inability to differentiate the subtle gradation of two nearly equal evils.

(n) A television program used to differentiate and connect wealthy purveyors of products of so little merit they are “not available in stores” to stupid insomniacs with credit cards and a telephone.

n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

(n) A film, music medium, newspaper or political party with just enough funding to earn a label, but not nearly enough to actually succeed 2. An old person competent enough to avoid convalescent banishment.

n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

(adj) Dumb as a stump or easily persuaded into joining a religion, political party, or threesome. SEE ALSO: NAÏVE

(n) Trade name for the robot built by the Suzuki Corporation which has been programmed in the superhuman mastery of baseball.

(n) The target demographic of all recruitment thrusts whether religious, political, military, village or multi-level marketing SEE ALSO: AMWAY MEETING

(v) To encourage in others that which is integral to their very nature. To “incite outrage” or “incite a riot” can only be accomplished among those already predisposed to outrage or rioting.