Definitions of ‘L’ Words

The curse of any planet dweller, the mistress of any star-farer, and the unfortunate circumstance of any politician who makes a stand only later to learn that his corporate campaign sponsors were acting in their own interests rather than the greater good.

n. A lawyer with a roving commission.

A comically inspired prank language rooted in pseudo-linguistics designed to befuddle the layman, exasperate the respondent, and impoverish the executive. It was only determined after some seven-centuries in use that it was the result of an overblown April Fool’s joke stemming from a bar bet, both in that it was waged by the bar association and it was founded in a dive English pub.

(n) The best medicine for the blues, greens and red meanies but not so good for sufferers of emphysema or amputees of comical appearance.

(v) The reluctant admission on the part of uptight legislators that the thing which would’ve landed you in prison yesterday would better serve the common good by taxing the hell out of it today.

(n) The time of night when bar patrons hurriedly scamper to lower their standards in order to facilitate a one-night stand before the lights are turned on and the illusion of doability is destroyed.

(v) A fancy-pants word for premium priced renting that includes absolutely none of the benefits of ownership.

(adj) A literal word meaning metaphorically, such as in the case of “I ate literally a thousand tacos… literally!”

n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

1. (n) A person who never fixes anything and complains when you jump up and down screaming in the living room on a Wednesday afternoon.

(n) The last girl to take shape but the first to make exceptional use her new attributes.

(n) A style of poetry particularly insulting to those in Nantucket, while remarkable for how they spare the persons of Limerick, Ireland, for whom the poems are named. Also critically panned are the ones beginning “I met a girl from Nantuckerintheass” and “I met my cellmate in Nantuckeminthedark”.

(n) Things a man must rely upon if he is not rich or blessed with a sense of humor. 2. The thing a woman must rely upon if she lacks a Nobel prize or an aptitude or propensity for felatio.

n. One of the most important organs of the female system—an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal’s substantial welfare.

(pn) City in Nevada where everything is free for a price, debauchery is a virtue, and the law is barely more than a set of suggestions.

(v) A mass, free shopping spree sponsored less by the businesses involved, but rather by their respective insurance carriers.