n. The least hateful form of dejection.
Definitions of ‘P’ Words
Pre-hereafter Omniverse
A phrase meaning a place that is “here” at a time that is not in the hereafter, but rather at a time that is approximately “now”. For example, you are reading this definition from within the pre-hereafter omniverse because you are reading it within the omniverse at a time before the hereafter, unless of course you are not, in which case you will most certainly be aware of it and not require a definition to know this truth, even though if you are not, you still may not be entirely certain.
Although critics pan the “here” as much as they do the “now”, the here and now are generally regarded as the best time and place to live by those who can not conceive what awaits them in other places, specifically amongst those who cannot conceive a time more than ten million years removed from their own. These same critics, however, are widely accepted as rabble-rousing dick faces, so their negative opinions in terms of the pre-hereafter omniverse are generally ignored entirely. After all, they are not real people in the traditionally accepted sense, they are critics.
Precum
Pronounced like “Beckham”, precum is a nectar not entirely unlike honey, though its acrid taste is more than any man should ever be forced to endure, except in rare cases of godless homosexuality or statutory incarceration. Not that a man couldn’t do so, or anything, I’m just saying it’s not my thing. If it’s your thing that’s totally cool, I just don’t need to hear about it in too great of detail. A little bit of detail is fine, but not too much, you know. The damnability of male engorgery on such delicacies falls to the robopope, who reasserted the hellistic properties over the wholistic ones in an official statement in 2067 issued entirely in binary, its exact recitation thereafter was required from memory by all minions of the one true faith, Catholicism.
Pain
n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
Play
1. (v) Aggressive cardiovascular and fitness program including running, climbing, sliding, and falling on one’s face. 2. (n) Virtual case study in psycho-interactive behavior. 3. (n) University in the sweating arts.
Painting
n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
Peace
1. (adj) An unimaginable time when all the household children are asleep, and no stereo, vacuum cleaner or lawnmower disturbs it. SYN: QUIET.
Panda
1. (n) The cuddliest of God’s mangiest, endangered species.
Printer
1. (n) The single most expensive way throughout world history to create a red piece of paper.
Potty
1. (v) A relieving means of earning free candy, depending on how you’ve negotiated it with your parents.
SEE ALSO: CANDY
Palace
n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
Poopy
1. (n) Attitudes or diapers that bother everyone around them and need an immediate change.
SEE ALSO: DIAPER
Plausible
(adv) Remotely believable despite being patently untrue.
Popups
(n) Proof that advertisers like you more than publishers do, and that any site that hosts them hates you more than their bottom lines.
Promotion
(n) Mythical incentive used to motivate workers to spin their hamster wheels harder and faster.