Definitions of ‘T’ Words

n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Though often used interchangeably with “tobaccoriffic”, it relates to persons, places, stuffs or holes comprised necessarily from a base of dry, leafy tobacco. Advanced systems have mastered the extraction of their essence to cure virtually any ailment including lung cancer, tuberculosis, black lung and some sorts of stabbing.

1. (n) Anything covetable and worthy of play includes boxes, wrappers, shoes and kitchenware.

SEE ALSO: BOX

n. The part of an animal’s spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own. Excepting in its foetal state, Man is without a tail, a privation of which he attests an hereditary and uneasy consciousness by the coat-skirt of the male and the train of the female, and by a marked tendency to ornament that part of his attire where the tail should be, and indubitably once was. This tendency is most observable in the female of the species, in whom the ancestral sense is strong and persistent. The tailed men described by Lord Monboddo are now generally regarded as a product of an imagination unusually susceptible to influences generated in the golden age of our pithecan past.

1. (n) Mythical villain who promises to sneak in under the dark of night, and abscond with my teeth. This so-called fairy may offer parental pocket change but it’s no fair trade for the trauma of losing teeth, even if one is expected to grow replacements. 2. (pn) A terrible, terrible movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

1. (n) An allegedly terrible age marked by potty training, bottle weaning, and discipline enforced “rules.” 2. (n) The second marker in the disciplinary count up; i.e., “Stop pulling her hair or you’re going to the corner! One! Two! Three!” 3. (adj) The number of hands, feet, eyes and ears anyone is allowed to have at any given time. 4. (adj) An insufficient number of hands.

SEE ALSO: CORNER

v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

(n) A place of judicial hearings in which you are always the kangaroo and the police are always right.

(n) Home-based entertainment no one admits to watching even though simply everyone does.

(n) Slang, British. A twit who is also a pussy.

(n) The edible lifeblood of astronauts and muff divers alike.