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Definitions of ‘V’ Words

Volcano

A volcano is a powerful and dangerous geological metaphor. Volcano is primarily used to denote functions of humanity, such as catastrophic acne or the unmentionably mentionable experience of male orgasm. Volcanoes in literal form still exist on some planets or exotic moons like Jupiter’s Io, but on New Terra they only exist in the imaginations of children and perhaps some of the more quaint corners of the sphere, like the Pacific Rim. Also, used as a figure of speech, it implies something that is uncomfortably hot, such as in the phrase “It’s hotter than a volcano vagina in here.”

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Volunteer

(n) One whose heart is as full as his pockets are empty.

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Voluptuous

(adj) Unfortunately obese women redeemingly blessed with the booby prize, that being gigantic breasts.

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Virtues

n.pl. Certain abstentions.

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VCR

(n) Antiquated home video device used to tape half-interesting shows over irreplaceable footage of weddings and birthdays, all the while flashing lights insist upon the current minute in time being Midnight. This device has largely been replaced by TiVo, DVR devices, and the internet.

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Van

1. (n) An apartment-sized car with vaulted ceilings and shag carpeting. 2. (n) A bad place to eat candy, especially from strangers. 3. (n) The transportation device that your parents warned you about.

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Vituperation

n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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VCR

1. (n) Clever electronic device used to play movies and remind viewers it is always 12:00 thanks to an un-missable flashing display. Also a good place to insert small toys, peanut butter sandwiches and DVDs, which for some reason, don’t seem to play.

SEE ALSO: DVD

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Viper

(n) American super-car worn awkwardly at sub-luxury car prices by men desperate for a “chick magnet” automobile, though invariably it only attracts heterosexual teen boys 2. A poisonous snake, often found driving one.

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Vote

n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

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Valedictorian

(n) A smart kid who has yet to discover the fantastical joys of sex or drugs.

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