Definitions of ‘Z’ Words

This number, or lack of number, has been the primary focus of philosophers for as long as accountants have insisted that it exists. Philosophers have worked with exceptional diligence to prove that it does not actually exist, specifically those same philosophers whose accountants have told them their ledger has reached a level of zero. Over a period of generations many wars have been waged on the matter of whether or not zero exists and more than a handful of accountants were lynched during this campaign. Though loss of life is always tragic, it is generally regarded that these people probably had it coming. (more…)

1. (n) A wet and noisy face-on-tummy tickle that makes the tickler and the ticklee laugh with glee.

n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the buffone, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.

(n) A legal status attached to land by the persons you’ve elected, used to ban your right to contest the construction of a strip club or tenement between your house and the view you paid so much to acquire. 2. City statute that disallows your trimming or planting of a hedge, construction or removal of a fence, and any other knowable or imagined use of your own land.

(n) A place men take their dates as to hint that children are acceptable, in order that they may persuade safe-procreation without ever broaching the subject.

(adj) A quality possessed by a male suitor who isn’t quite funny, is less than attractive, but is still justified as viable by the females who welcome him to sully their sushi gardens.

n. The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names.

(adv) A legal status attached to land by the persons you’ve elected used to ban your right to contest the construction of a strip club or tenament between your house and the view you paid so much to acquire.

(n) Fermented 7-Up consumed primarily by waifish blondes. SYN: Bitch Beer.